The Five Easy Steps Of Enjoying A Wedding Sober
- Talk with people!
- Eat the delicious food!
- Take lots of photos!
Well, what did you expect? This is it kids, the plain truth about sobriety. Anyone who tries to convince you differently is scared, and they are likely addicted too (so they need our light - which is why I wrote this...planting seeds guys). You can do anything and everything the same *sober* that you did shitfaced. Really. And it’s a lot more memorable! A shit ton more fun! It’s a quality evening, not laced with vomit and regrets. Don’t like to hear that? Well guess what? I’ve been down that road enough times myself that I’ve earned the right to say it like it is.
So dress comfortably, do your hair + makeup. Guys, extra eyeliner. Making this an inclusive blog post. Oh and wear comfy dancing shoes.
Plan on what you will drink ahead of time - I like to drink cranberry and soda out of a wine glass. Have a few ideas ready, most bartenders don't know how to make a non-alcoholic drink. It's up to us to educate them.
Talk with people, move around the room. Talk to the bride and groom. Meet some new people, without spilling your drink on them. Without slurring your name. Without tripping and busting a nail!
Keep your eye on the bouquet and win that shit because you are agile as fuck without booze in your system. Or tastefully let someone else who is desperate to be married get it, because you aren’t hammered and feeling overly competitive.
Eat the cake! Hell you can afford to now that you aren’t drinking all your calories. Hell make it a double slice! Calories shmalories.
Hug everyone at the end of the night whether they drink or not because you really like them and not because you are dripping saccharine bullshit from the booze you imbibed. Again, talking from experience.
Don’t get into an argument with someone over nothing. Just get along with people and laugh and laugh and laugh…you get it.
Pass on the tequila shots and drink some water. Wake up the next morning hydrated and refreshed to go for your run. Yeah, you’re going for a motherfucking run because you aren’t hungover. WIN!
Keep only good memories from the night - you don’t need the regrets you'll feel from doing the stupid shit that accompanies pounding a few triple vodka martinis.
Also, you get to leave when you are tired! Imagine that. No waiting for an impossibly long taxi or Uber. Just, get in your damn car and drive home. Because you CAN.
Remember, these rules apply to any special occasion and when in doubt, refer to the first five rules.
Have fun! And thank you for reading.
P.S. If you would like to quit drinking, know that you can and that help is available to you.
If you aren't sure where to start, call someone you know who is sober. If you don't have someone you can call, contact http://www.drugandalcoholhelpline.ca/ for immediate help.
1-800-565-8603 is the telephone number to call.